GUTTENBERG HAD IT ALL THEN this crappened

To get an idea how big of a movie star Steve Guttenberg became after the 1984 release of POLICE ACADEMY, over the following four years he became the busiest actor in Hollywood, starring in no less than nine leading roles, tying with Gene Hackman. 

The comedy genre was experiencing its Raunch Renaissance. Steve Guttenberg was at the top of a short list of names producers wanted for playing the quintessential wise cracking cool breeze comedic lead when turned down by Bill Murray.  If your flick was less firetrucks & hookers & drugs & booze and more friendly PG-13, you went full Guttenberg. Basically, bad boy-lite. 

With four Police Academy movies, family friendly flick COCOON, and hitting his adorability zenith alongside Ted Danson and Tom Selleck in the box office hit THREE MEN AND A BABY, it’s safe to say Steve made the 80’s his bitch, baby. And it hurt so Gute.

Yeah, we went there. Deal with it.

Let the gute times roLl

Despite the wipeout COCOON: THE RETURN had at the box office, Guttenberg was riding the crest of goodwill from being part of Three Men and a Baby, the highest grossing movie of 1987. As the 90’s dawned on Hollywood, Steve Guttenberg was ready to roller-skate out from the ensemble shadow and glide on up to the plate as the leading man of his own romantic comedy.

Even by Hollywood rom-com standards, DON’T TELL HER IT’S ME is straight-outta-the-gate awful. It also includes the worst disguise since Superman’s specs convincing all of Metropolis he’s Clark Kent. Add an allegedly Australian accent that’s less down under, more down blunder and you’ve got a movie that makes any THREE’S COMPANY episode of misunderstandings seem Machiavellian.

It seems as if Steve was drinking his own Gute-Aide. Being buzzed on the belief his adorable bankability being bulletproof would be the only explanation as to why Rootin-Tootinberg thought he could make a character who lies to a woman he loves (Jami Gertz – she may be in more 80’s movies than any other actor from the decade) because she thinks he’s a drip, but through lying and pretending to be an amalgamation of Alpha male cliches women allegedly can’t resist, which in turn, exposes her shallow values by falling faster than a plastered Andy Dick for his lies.

Don’t Tell Her It’s Me is the shark jump point in the actor’s accomplished career. Yet, as the headline says, you’re here for the precise moment where Steve caught air above the proverbial shark and the Guttenverse collapsed in on itself. For that exact moment, we must turn to the movie’s preview.

First, a FAIR WARNING: watching this clip will expose you to very high levels of self aware adorability. This is where Guttenberg began dialing it in. Manufacturing his adorableness at dangerously high levels. The only actor to match and exceed the level of self awareness would the following year when Bruce Willis was given the green light on his vanity flick, HUDSON HAWK.

In it, Willis delivers a performance entirely of calibrated smirks plastered on his smug mug. You’ve heard of an actor sleepwalking through a movie? Bruce Willis is the first actor to smirkwalk through one.

That being said, it’s best to just let the video do the rest of the talking. The precise moment should be quite obvious at the end of the clip. If you make it to the end, I should say. Some people have passed out almost immediately. That’s the level of adorability Guttenberg is coming in hot with. On the very first word.

And if you want to exit the article now without seeing the clip below? No one is going to think any less of you. Or mock you behind your back with taunts like how you just couldn’t hack witnessing this moment in movie history brought to you by Tinseltown Takedown.

That’s not you, of course. You’re ready to see the clip. Because you’re Gute enough.