Tinseltown Takedown EXCLUSIVE: Darin Tino CONFESSES

“I was a teen-age Bottle Kid…”


“Up until around my early 20’s. At least. Might’ve extended into late 20’s even. Do I just keep on yapping or are you – “*

*End of Tape #17A_10. People vs. Darin Tino, L.A.S.C.C,D; 10.01.17


Look, what can I tell you? This was the golden era of the 70’s. No internet. No cell phones. If you wanted to play a video game you had to leave the house and go to a place called an arcade.

In the mid 70’s there was a huge divorce boom. From the rubble of imploding marriages emerged the “Latch Key Kid” generation. That meant very little to no parent supervison. No curfew.  Mix that with a group of eager youths? Shit was gonna happen.

Ding Dong Ditch is a gateway drug.

An innocent prank at first, it leads to more close up and stealth work.  The flaming bag of dogshit on the front porch. Sugar in the gas tanks. Slipping garden hoses through front door mail slots at two in the morning and turning on the water. Good clean fun. By the time you’ve got a vandalism monkey on your back, the ‘ol 3D just don’t cut it no more.

From there it’s a short leap to throwing things at houses. Start with chucking dirt clods. Then move up in weight with rocks. They’re good for distance work. You want to be able to hit the windows of  the houses on either side of you from a stand still in the middle of a residential street. You’re a marksman when you can hit the front door. Unfortunately the heavier the rock, the less chance you’ll have to fit it in your hand, let alone throw it.

For accuracy, citrus fruits are your friend. Chucking your basic lemons, limes, apples. Whatever’s in season. Pomegranates are best. Bean something with a rip one, that sucker explodes. Did you know that the stain from pomergranates are tougher to get out than blood? At least hat’s what I’ve been told.

When every tree in the neighborhood is picked clean of its supply… out come the bottles. By then the monkey on your back has turned into King Kong. When you get on the glass, the only thing that matters is the sound of the shatters. It becomes like music. And you’re the maestro. Of course, this was way before everyone was into recycling things, so it’s not as big of a waste back then as it would be today. Just another reason it was great growing up in the 1970’s.

So when Canadian comedy cult hit show The Trailer Park Boys introduced reaccuring characters known simply as Bottle Kids, you just know it comes from a genuine place. The shattering hilarity and shards of joy bring a smile of youth. Makes me feel like getting that sixer of Tuborg out of the fridge, drink some beers and chuck some bottles. Here’s to you, Bottle Kids. Stay golden.


About Darin Tino (48 Articles)
Enough about me. Let's talk about how Bryan Wasylucha is a gutless, yellow belly, coward.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: