Actors We Should Legally Be Allowed To Sock In The Face #10: Bruce Willis

Screen shot 2017-07-26 at 11.28.57 PM
Bruce Willis reveals the single expression he’ll be using from now on.

When did Bruce Willis become such a cruel cueball? What movie from the follic deficient film star serves as sign post where he took a turn down Asshole Road?

For a long while, it remained a secret among Hollywood insiders, particularly those unfortunate to find themselves working in front or behind the camera with Willis, how stardom turned him into an increasingly difficult prick. A few years back, a double dose of searing exposure has largely been credited for the reason why his last few movies have become straight to streaming fare. These two portraits put piss poor petulant behavior of Willis on Front Street.

The first came from writer/director Kevin Smith – widely regarded in the industry as one of the nicest people you’ll meet. After the disaster of COP OUT, where Willis really seemed to have hit his stride sleepwalking through a picture, Smith wasn’t shy about sharing how working with Willis was “fucking soul crushing” and recounted how the entitled actor refused to sit for promotional photos for the movie’s poster.

The second reveal of the real Bruce came courtesy of the press junket interview he did while promoting RED 2. Clips from various interviews gave viewers an eye-opening look at a rude, glib, grouchy old man in a robe making the interview even more unbearable than he claims toiling away at press junkets can be.

Granted, the interviewer is fair to middling at best, content to lob softballs across the plate, I suspect Out of all of the videos online for the Red 2 press junket in England, it’s this Empire Magazine interview that captures Willis at his most assholeness. But don’t take my word for it. Have a gander yourself.

Watch Willis’s face @0:22 – particularly his eyes – after the very first question, just a simple opening softball about nicknames. You’d think he’d just been asked if his wife likes to be blow sailors in town for Fleet Week. The expression on his immovable mug giving the appearance of a witless, ego-driven maniac contemplating skull fucking the interviewer.

Screen shot 2017-07-27 at 12.12.39 PM
“Note to self: have your manager call Empire Magazine and have them fire this dipshit.”

Then get a view of his visage @1:12 when the interview asks Mary Louise Parker – desperately trying to be a sweetheart –  a question that has nothing to do with Willis himself. The inner monologue inside that chrome dome of his had to have been priceless.

Screen shot 2017-07-27 at 12.14.09 PM
“I bet if I say I only watch documentaries it will make me seem smart and a miserable prick.”

As for Ms. Parkeruntil seeing this clip, I never truly understood what an understated and underrated actress Hollywood has on its hands. At @3:02. marvel at how this brilliant actress portrays a woman keeping composure while sitting next to Bruce Willis as an ageing, self important, gasbag hellbent on turning a lighthearted interview into a bitter, burning nosediving death ride for no other reason than he knows no one will stop him.

Kudos to you Bruce Willis. For being a hero and not allowing that shit heel bastard of a reporter with the offensively upbeat attitude to bully you and make you look like a spineless, gutless chump. Kudos, indeed.

Now go fuck yourself. Bruce Willis. Take your self entitled carcass with the empty soul somewhere far away from the horrible Hollywood spotlight that has done absolutely nothing to improve or enhance your life in the slightest way whatsoever, but rather has whipped you as if a worthless, scurvy, mongrel dog that had been raised in New Jersey, which you are obviously not as demonstrated by your hilarious riff on hostility.

Because that’s all it was, right? A joke. All anyone had to do was notice the robe to clue in on the gag of Bruce being world weary rascally asshole and gift to the acting community and the overall universe at large.

How about this, Bruno? Do everyone a favor. Next time, don’t do the interviews. Skip the whole press junket that’s part and parcel of the paycheck you cashed. Adam Sandler doesn’t do press. You’re certainly a bigger star with more clout than Sandler. Aren’t you, Bruce? Bruce…?

Does anyone else hear that weeping?

Screen shot 2017-07-29 at 8.43.39 PM
“Remember that time I said ‘Yipee Ki Ai, Motherfucker’… no? Have you at least seen where my robe went?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s